Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Rising Above Heartbreaking Change

Remember your divine "spark" no matter how low you may become.
Use that spark to ignite a fire.
Life changes. It is a fact of life. What was yesterday is not today, what is today is not tomorrow. It is easy to get caught up in these circumstances and situations, to allow them to define us, to give them our power. However, we are infinite beings capable of anything and as such do you not trust your ability to overcome, to supersede, that which you might first conclude as adversity or an obstacle? Instead, as awakened beings, we realize that these changes in life are actually guiding beacons to realign us on our path. If we could not endure a hardship in this life, we would not meet with it. Trust that you have the “toolbox” to make it through or that teachers and “earth angels” will appear in your life. I’ll give you a life-changing event in my life as an example.

Family meant everything to me. To ever think that I would be excommunicated pained me on a very deep level. I swore that I’d never do anything to meet such disapproval from my parents and two of my sisters (my third sister, Sherry, will always accept me for who I am). The thought of this situation ever happening to me hurt too much to consider. How could I hurt them like that and in turn cause such pain for myself? And trust me when it happened, I went through a period of intense heartbreak. My body mirrored this in physical ailments that had me taking different medical tests. The results from these showed that I was perfectly healthy, but that it was stress gnawing on my body. I was so low that I was suicidal. My co-workers at the time never saw it. My husband could not believe what he was hearing when I had told him. Friends who I've told since couldn't believe it. And this is my first time putting it out there in a public forum. However, I want you to know just how low I was.

I had turned to alcohol to soothe my broken heart, but as you know it only makes such things worse. The turning point was when I had quite a few whiskeys and pops. There’s no other way to say it; I was drunk. I fell to my knees and was crying and screaming, “How can they do this to me?” It was at this low point, in the middle of this “tirade”, all right, breakdown, that a spark flashed in me. A voice in my head said, who are they to have this power over me? It was from this darkness, from this very low point (a pit), I realized no one should wield such power over me. I also saw that I was giving them this power and it was time to stop this allowance. This was the turning point on my healing journey. It was not long later that I had the divine inspiration to start this blog. (And, yes, I do believe it was divine. If I can help even one person see the spark they have inside, the power they possess, the beauty they are, then sharing my story and my journey was well worth it.)

When I shared my story about how I “lost” my parents and two of my sisters, Id meet with compassion. People expressed such things as, I couldn’t never survive that, or I could never treat my children this way. And, who knows, for them, maybe they would not survive such an ordeal? But here’s the thing, if something’s happened in your life, whether it be a direct choice you made or one made by someone else, you have the power and the strength within to deal with it. You do. Trust. Believe.

See I never would have thought I had the strength to deal with this situation. However, it has been two years, and I am a stronger person than I was before—or at least I recognize the strength that was always there. Teachers who crossed my path, such as Jack Canfield, have helped me to realize that to move forward I had to assume 100% responsibility for my life. At first this was hard to accept. After all, look my family did to me. They stopped talking to me because I did not want to worship God the way they did anymore. But it was time to own up to my choices in life. I knew beforehand that by deciding to go on a different path in life, they would react this way, yet I still made the choice. Was it because I was mean or unthoughtful? There were times I carried the guilt—again that is one of the emotions that needs to be purged on the journey to awakening. My motivations were not to hurt anyone. In fact, I still love my family dearly and send them love, light, and forgiveness. But realizing that I had taken back control of my life, by living it the way I want, in following my purpose, guilt, anger, regret, indecision, heartbreak, all of these emotions melted away. In its place were love and forgiveness—for them and myself.

Be blessed and keep shining the light that only you are meant to shine.

Carolyn Arnold

CAROLYN ARNOLD is the author of several published novels, including her best-selling Madison Knight series. Her love for writing dates back to her teen years, but it was only in recent years that she was reunited with this love to pursue it with career passion.

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